apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Acid is not a monday night drug
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
