Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
