im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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