Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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