I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Everyone says I win the strip club
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
