Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This is my gift to your gina
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize