How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
