Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
