I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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