I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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