I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
