whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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