Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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