I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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