I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
