Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(626): View more from California

What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober

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(217): View more from Illinois

Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

(1-217): View more from Illinois

Don't worry about it.

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(303): View more from Colorado

you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

(303): View more from Colorado

and I must say, you were very persuasive

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(845): View more from New York

You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.

(1-901): View more from Tennessee

Dude, if you don't take her, I will.

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(256): View more from Alabama

I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."

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(501): View more from Arkansas

PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD

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(765): View more from Indiana

The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.

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