who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dating After Heartbreak
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...