What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.