i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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