Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
