Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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