I want to have your abortion
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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