textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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