Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
