So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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