So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
