bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
