No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
