Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
