My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
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Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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At least life still wants to fuck me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I would fuck him just for his dog
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.