I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.