Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was

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  (410): Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was http://tfl.nu/b47l
  Replies (14) Good night (726) Bad night (1435)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...

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  (918): My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it... http://tfl.nu/dlfs
  Replies (1) Good night (898) Bad night (4548)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi

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  (480): This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi http://tfl.nu/fvjc
  Replies (23) Good night (4183) Bad night (650)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?

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  (786): Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful? http://tfl.nu/pwsi
  Replies (9) Good night (931) Bad night (3600)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.

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  (513): i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week. http://tfl.nu/8le3
  Replies (14) Good night (7095) Bad night (1550)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead

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  (508): I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead http://tfl.nu/5uyo
  Replies (14) Good night (808) Bad night (2710)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs

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  (773): I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs http://tfl.nu/g3cl
  Replies (3) Good night (3375) Bad night (860)
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  (858): View more from California

  I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha

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  (858): I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha http://tfl.nu/4cqn
  Replies (4) Good night (1746) Bad night (962)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Breakfast tacos?

  (1-832): View more from Houston, Texas

  YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS

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  (832): Breakfast tacos? (1-832): YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS http://tfl.nu/haxw
  Replies (17) Good night (2993) Bad night (873)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.

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  (+61): we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together. http://tfl.nu/r78i
  Replies (6) Good night (3580) Bad night (699)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.

  (972): View more from Texas

  Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.

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  (817): Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift. (972): Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking. http://tfl.nu/jm0q
  Replies (23) Good night (2726) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.

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  (701): Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man. http://tfl.nu/tr3t
  Replies (7) Good night (3132) Bad night (501)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.

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  (781): perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax. http://tfl.nu/ar2h
  Replies (0) Good night (1023) Bad night (1334)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.

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  (702): The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever. http://tfl.nu/lrkg
  Replies (7) Good night (2289) Bad night (553)
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  (716): View more from New York

  That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information

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  (716): That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information http://tfl.nu/q7xv
  Replies (3) Good night (1008) Bad night (383)

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