P.S. I can't hear my feet
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.