Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.

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  (954): You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone. http://tfl.nu/c0ys
  Replies (33) Good night (4077) Bad night (751)
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  (516): View more from New York

  ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront

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  (516): ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront http://tfl.nu/ih22
  Replies (46) Good night (1226) Bad night (4657)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.

  (214): View more from Texas

  round 2?

  (972): View more from Texas

  EVER.

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  (972): you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again. (214): round 2? (972): EVER. http://tfl.nu/6p06
  Replies (10) Good night (1238) Bad night (3700)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.

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  (252): i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too. http://tfl.nu/myt5
  Replies (55) Good night (6183) Bad night (925)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?

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  (703): My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned? http://tfl.nu/h3av
  Replies (21) Good night (1082) Bad night (5444)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.

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  (941): CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES. http://tfl.nu/rhol
  Replies (32) Good night (1794) Bad night (7160)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.

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  (505): There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm. http://tfl.nu/k80u
  Replies (5) Good night (3371) Bad night (1048)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.

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  (757): Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny. http://tfl.nu/ezaf
  Replies (10) Good night (3522) Bad night (770)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.

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  (812): I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice. http://tfl.nu/sig2
  Replies (5) Good night (2631) Bad night (1329)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.

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  (+64): You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited. http://tfl.nu/941d
  Replies (4) Good night (1669) Bad night (899)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's like my freshman wet dream come true

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  (412): it's like my freshman wet dream come true http://tfl.nu/8b08
  Replies (3) Good night (1064) Bad night (488)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me

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  (781): Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me http://tfl.nu/17em
  Replies (1) Good night (1385) Bad night (472)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.

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  (208): I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/ctp9
  Replies (2) Good night (599) Bad night (369)
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  (716): View more from New York

  It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?

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  (716): It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before? http://tfl.nu/zugc
  Replies (2) Good night (440) Bad night (496)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.

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  (541): We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/cd3a
  Replies (1) Good night (406) Bad night (262)

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