Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
