Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex

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  (703): the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex http://tfl.nu/ydbw
  Replies (31) Good night (5275) Bad night (677)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy

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  (206): he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy http://tfl.nu/mh40
  Replies (11) Good night (605) Bad night (5851)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.

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  (201): So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her. http://tfl.nu/3bi4
  Replies (60) Good night (4211) Bad night (596)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.

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  (956): She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy. http://tfl.nu/bi3k
  Replies (11) Good night (1480) Bad night (4103)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."

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  (410): Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down." http://tfl.nu/u1mc
  Replies (8) Good night (4290) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?

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  (508): its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right? http://tfl.nu/koz9
  Replies (6) Good night (1950) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.

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  (716): He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him. http://tfl.nu/aojd
  Replies (10) Good night (2507) Bad night (1060)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.

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  (423): take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me. http://tfl.nu/qdcc
  Replies (20) Good night (2232) Bad night (951)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover

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  (410): why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover http://tfl.nu/9q3l
  Replies (2) Good night (762) Bad night (1183)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.

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  (217): We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater. http://tfl.nu/r45m
  Replies (4) Good night (1637) Bad night (640)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.

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  (619): I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now. http://tfl.nu/s7lw
  Replies (7) Good night (877) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.

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  (804): I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up. http://tfl.nu/0inz
  Replies (16) Good night (1250) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass

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  (310): I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass http://tfl.nu/6152
  Replies (6) Good night (1853) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (331): View more from Illinois

  Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!

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  (331): Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws! http://tfl.nu/1f2r
  Replies (0) Good night (451) Bad night (214)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.

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  (631): Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on. http://tfl.nu/pysj
  Replies (3) Good night (523) Bad night (297)

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