She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.