Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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