Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
