and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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