doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
