Well apparently he's into motor boating.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
