yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
