i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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