i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
As shirtless as possible
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
