I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
