I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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