Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
