I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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