Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wear drunk well.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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