i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
