wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
