Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
