so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
