My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
