just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
