Her vagina should come with caution tape.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
