She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
