I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
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I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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