Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
