So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
