his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The best revenge is premature balding
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
