Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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