I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
