she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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