My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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