sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
