I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Randomize
