If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
