by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Someone shattered a urinal.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
