wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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