You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
someone owes me an orgasm
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
