Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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