yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
