so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
