Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's blow job season.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
