God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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