just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
nutella sex= disaster
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
